You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
