i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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