Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
