just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
