I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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