see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
