you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
