and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
