Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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