party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
