when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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