My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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