Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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