You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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