so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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