not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
