Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
