omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
