your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
