I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
