I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just had sex bonerless
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
