even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
