Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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