hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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