Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
