Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
