I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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