Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
