He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Everclear isn't food dammit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
