if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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