dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
