not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
