I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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