Ketchup is God's man juice
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
the raccoons are back...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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