We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
