shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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