i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
