Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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