Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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