i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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