Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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