he thought i was a dude.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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