I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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