Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
