PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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