I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
