I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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