She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
