I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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