Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
