what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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