Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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