after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
