Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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