Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
