he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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