and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
