this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
