You can't motorboat a personality
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
