Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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