Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize