The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
