I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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