Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
