i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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